Escargot
by The JohhnyMcKilt Productions
Summary: CSD.Oneshot. Nokoru is absolutely terrified of snails.


A/N; Because I am screwed and in love with these boys…enjoy! XD

**Escargot**

_**Oneshot**_

_Akira was looking guilty._

"_Um…anou…Takamura-sempai?"_

_Suoh turned somewhat to face his kouhai and raised both brows in acknowledgement._

"_Remember the time you told me kaichou had four stomachs of steel?"_

_Both boys winced as they heard another retch followed by sloppy glops splashing into the toilet bowl. They've been standing outside the men's toilet for quite some time._

_The bluenette sighed. "Four stomachs of steel alright. He could eat anything from paper to crickets with ten sets of seven course meals in between. I wonder what could have gotten him to gag?"_

_The young chef beside him reddened. "I think I know, Takamura-sempai," he said quietly._

_The ninja frowned. "You do?"_

_At that moment, the bathroom door flew open and both boys too a step back in surprise as the pale, wasted face of Nokoru Imonoyama greeted them._

"_Snails." Akira squeaked and the blonde turned green once more before promptly returning to the sickly business of emptying the contents of his gut._

No.

Nokoru absolutely REFUSED to do his paperwork.

It was such a beautiful day outside! To abandon it for a mindless, stamping-signing activity would be a crime!

So he decided to hide behind his towering stacks of responsibility in the clever guise of doing them while actually enjoying the picturesque view outside.

Summer indeed.

No other piece of scenery could have described her best. Soon, the plants that could would bear fruit. By Jove, when that happens, the campus would sure have a lovely scent in the air.

The blonde cocked his head to one side at the sight of something moving on a bloom on his window ledge.

_Well hello,_ he thought as he scooted closer to the glass panes. Funny thing it was, too, because it looked small and cu—

It was a snail.

Nokoru froze in horror. That slimy thing…that…that crawled and left slime, whose eye stalks shriveled in the most disgusting fashion when touched.

The boy gulped and returned to his desk, only to find yet another snail worming about on the surface of his current document. It had already left a moist trail.

Nokoru fought a gaga and a whimper and looked wildly about for the moronic organic source these horrible creatures were coming from when he caught sight of his vase of wisteria.

Snails.

Snails were making some sort of mini-Exodus.

The chairman emitted a squeak and bolted from his seat, backing away from his desk as decency and composure would allow. He was afraid to speak because he didn't know what he could possible say, and he was afraid those…things would jump into his mouth, become parasites in his brain and use him for world domination.

"Kaichou?" Akira asked, looking up from his work. "Is something wrong?"

"What are you doing, kaichou?" Suoh said, doing the same. "Sit back down and finish paperwork!"

"C-can't," their chairman managed to blurt out while continuously stepping away from his desk. The mollusks were approaching and they looked like an advancing army!

"S-snalis!" he squeaked, scrambling to the door in fright.

"Kaichou! Don't go out on your own!" Akira exclaimed but Nokoru was already panicking in the hallway.

**CHANGE SCENE**

_I've GOT to get away from these snails!_ he thought frantically as he traversed the corridors of the Elementary Division Building.

He was dead sure that if they'd catch him, they'd crawl into his head and devour the insides. Then he'd be placed under mind control! He'd be forced to do horrible things like…not smile, do paperwork, strenuous ninja sports, horseback riding, golf…or worse…agree with Suoh!

The prospect made him tremble. He was so occupied he bumped into another person.

"Nokoru-sama! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you. Here, by the way. I have the report from today's lesson…"

"Oh. It's…it's alright, Hikaru-san, I ju…ju…juaaaaAAAAAHHH!!"

He was talking to a snail! His classmate was a SNAIL! It was carrying books and standing as if she were human! And he had bumped into her slimy underside. Eew…

"Is there anything wrong, Nokoru-sama?" Hikaru asked, taking a step-slither move toward him. The long eye stalks moved independently as she studied him.

The blonde, numb with fear, could not answer back and stepped away from her.

"Nokoru?"

Commotion on the other end of the hallway made him look. The sound of crumbling concrete and peeling wallpaper reached his ears. A giant snail was pushing its way through the narrow halls.

What remained of Nokoru's color drained from him.

"G-g-giant s-snail!" he ejaculated and ran away at top speed, utterly frightened beyond reason.

The giant snail chased him at the rate of a galloping horse, giving the poor blonde no mercy. As soon as he hit the grounds, two _more_ giant snails were closing in on his progress and he skidded on the earth to take a detour to safety.

Nokoru was running in the empty park. He was stunned to being no more coherent than the next average Joe. Oh the students, what happened to the students? Snails.

All snails!

Splintering wood urged his feet to run faster. At long last he couldn't take it anymore.

"HELP!!" he screeched at the top of his lungs. "The snails are after me! HELP!!"

And he ran like he never did before.

**CHANGE SCENE AND TIME LAPSE**

_I think I've finally lost them._

The blonde was leaning against a tree, panting. He was thoroughly exhausted to say the least.

"Kaichou?" a voice spoke.

Nokoru jumped a mile in the air and wheeled about. He smiled in relief at the sight of Suoh's face poking out from behind the tree across his.

"Boy, Suoh! Am I glad to see you! Listen, we've got to get out of here—"

"Yes, yes. Get out of here and back to the council room!" the bluenette snapped. "You haven't finished paperwork then you go running off like that!"

"This is hardly the time to…to…t—"

Suoh had emerged from behind the tree, revealing his head attached to the body of the dreaded mollusk.

**END DREAM**

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Nokoru sat up in his seat and saw he was still hidden behind the stacks of paperwork. His breathing was irregular and his heart was still racing. Seemingly far away, he could hear Akira freaking out.

"Kaichou! What's happening?!"

Suoh's face appeared through the gap in the stacks. "What's wrong now?"

The blonde stared at him, trembling and wide-eyed before emitting another scream of pure terror.

The ninja recoiled in shock. "Jeez! What the—?"

"I'LL DO THE PAPERWORK! I'LL DO THE PAPERWORK! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!"

**END**

A/N: Just kill me. TTwTT Don't get me wrong though. Snails are adorable! X3


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